Forgiveness

I am questioning the notion of forgiveness. It is “the attribute of the strong,” says Gandhi, it is the necessary condition for love, says Martin Luther King, it is pervasive in the teachings of Jesus and the prophets. But I am beginning to feel that it is an empty concept. What does it mean to forgive? Forgiveness assumes that there has been a wrong, a betrayal. It assumes that we have been hurt by another. It is said that we forgive in order to escape the bonds of victimization, and that we must forgive ourselves as well as others.

Forgiveness implies that we are changing our relationship to victimization, to perpetration, and to our own pain that arises from betrayal. In some cases, this something that I must do apart from the perpetrator, apart from the perpetuation that may be ongoing. Because that other who perpetuates harm is beyond my reach, outside of any possibility of influence or interaction.

Do I forgive you? I say neither yes nor no. I say forgiveness has no meaning for me. I choose to come into a constructive relationship with my pain. I choose not to perpetuate victimization, neither in the role of perpetrator, nor victim. I am not your victim. You are your own victim, and your own perpetrator, as long as you choose to perpetuate those roles.

I choose instead to forsake those roles, to incorporate my pain into my authentic being, to manifest myself in loving compassion with myself, my family, my community, my work, and my world. Is this forgiveness? Is this the light that drives out darkness (yet, how can it be, for the darkness remains)? Call it what name suits it, but I choose to live in fullness and in love.